Easter Wreaths and a Little Motivation!

Since the move (well not officially since we only move one room over at a time as to not get overwhelmed) my Craft Room items have not made it over yet. But, I want a wreath on my door for Spring. I will have to skim read our HOA to even make sure that wreaths on the door are allowed, but I sure do hope that they are. It's spring! and every holiday or quarter I should say.. my mom places a wreath on her door. Now that I have a door of my own I would love to do the same!

Now, mind you, if in fact we can't place a wreath on the outside of the door, I WILL find a door or banister to place seasonal decor on it since our one and only mantle has been dedicated to home entertainment such as wall mounted flat screen tv's and surround sound bars that lay on the mantle.

So, knowing that I want to create my own, I took to Etsy to find some inspiration..
Here were some that appealed to me:

Not sure if I want to Easter Eggs?

Easter Wreath with blue robbin eggs

Or something a little more simplistic with grass and carrots..
Easter Wreath - Spring Wreath - Moss Wreath -burlap bow, and carrots (LIMITED LEFT)

Or even more minimal with grapevine and furry animals and carrots.
Easter wreath Meadow bunny and carrots 14"

Or something less Easter, and a little more Spring! This would look great on my Colonial Red Front Door..
Easter Wreath

What do you think?! What do you have on your door, if anything?
Hopefully these pictures will motivate me to get that completed before Easter/Spring comes and goes!



The Game & Braxton Family Values: Trying to Conceive goes to Television Storylines

It is really interesting to me to see how many shows these days how many shows are discussing Trying to Conceive... I don't really remember it being discussed THIS much on television before... or is it that its just sticking out to me more because that's kind of where we are in this phase of life.

I mean, we are in our early 30's... well at least I am 6 months away from 30.. but still, close enough where if we want children (yes, more then one) then I guess we should start now so that we can get settled and then be ready to push out #2 or #3.

On The Game, Melanie and Derwin Davis have been trying to get pregnant since they have been married. We have seen episodes where Melanie is seen taking her temperature with a basal body thermometer and crazily running to hoist her feet in the air to encourage conception.. to the latest episode where this happens..

It was devasting to the couple, who is now looking into adoption. It is also ironic because the character that plays Melanie is Tia Mowry-Hardrict who just chronicled her pregnancy woes in her reality show with her twin sister, Tamera Mowry-Housley ...

Last night, watching the Finale of Braxton Family Values, we saw Tamar and Vince go to a consultation at their OB/GYN or Reproductive Endocronologist (just not sure which she was) however, it was explained that Vince would have to do a Semen Analysis and Tamar would have to do bloodwork. Vince and Tamar have been married three years and it wasn't until Vince had a REAL scare with blood clots that Tamar changed her position on her wanting to have children.

Unfortunately for Tamar, she waited just a little too late to be aware of her body and it looks like she may be experiencing early menopause and may not be able to carry her own child.. There is nothing worse then trying to follow the rules, get married, wait for the right time and then be told... it's too late for you even in your 30's.

Who could forget the couple that did it first, they put Trying to Conceive on the map of Reality Television. Guiliana and Bill Ransic: Guiliana an E! Television Personality and Bill Ransic of Apprentice with Donald Trump, got married and decided to have a baby and air it on television through their reality tv show. Unfortunately after a failed IVF and a miscarriage, Guiliana's doctor asked her to get a mamogram where she found out that she had breast cancer. Guiliana recently had a double mastectomy in order to not go the radiation route to hurt her chances of being able to conceive.

Well, does Television help those that are going through the same thing? absolutely! but does it hurt also.. absolutely. For those who never had a worry in the world that they may get pregnant, now has every fear in the world that it is all too common to not get pregnant the first time that you try.

It's that moment that you wake up from the fairytale that it hits you... that childhood song that you used to sing:

Johnny and Sara
Sitting in a Tree
First comes Love,
Then comes Marriage,
Then comes Sara with the baby carriage

Well, not so much..

...First comes love,
Sometimes comes marriage
then comes the reality star, teen mom with a baby carriage
while you wait for your own consult with the RE
to be told that you need supplements and vitamins
that are going to make you gain even more weight
just to get pregnant with medical assistance 
and have to go into early labor
for fear of preclampsia...

yeah yeah I know.... maybe all this baby talk makes me a little hyperchondriac-ish (i know its not a word) LOL.


Painting and Police Car Chases...

So ... I know you have been waiting on that picture of our Master Bathroom... however, you are going to have to wait a little while because it is over-run by painting supplies. Now in the spirit of keeping it real, I could show you that, but honestly, there really isn't much to see there just yet--

But here is a sneak peek at the bedroom: Final picture pending..

Anybody else be all gung-ho about painting and then when it comes to the details start to fizzle out?? good, its not just us. SO we finished the wall that our bed is on, so that we would never have to ever move that California King monstrosity. However, the rest of the room looks like this...

And like this... No the rest of the tray ceiling border is not finished either. This is just its good side.

But we definitely wanted to have a resort feel in our Master Bedroom. We love color but did not necessarily want to be overwhelmed with it. We wanted rather to kind of feel like we are waking up at a beach front hotel every morning.

It took some getting used to the color and praying that we didn't make a mistake in color choice, but after letting it cure, we totally love the relaxing vibe it gives to us on the walls.

We used Valspar, Sweet Serenity seen here:

Creative Ideas for Color by Valspar Gallon Interior Eggshell Paint in Sweet Serenity

Not sure when we are going to finish but there is a major paint party coming soon! I promise you that. We are going to be getting some help painting the rest of the house (like the really high places of the foyer) and then tackle some spaces on our own.

But honestly, when you gotta deal with this: Police car chases and what not ending in head on collisions right in front of your job praying that its not one of your offenders outside clowning... you rarely have motivation to paint every night- I'm just saying.  

Let's see what the weekend holds! I may just be finished.. who knows.


First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage... Then Comes

So clearly this blog has evolved into being about the newlywed life... so why not just discuss and vent about all things that come up on a day to day basis...

It's just so that I can focus on decorating our home on this end, but answer all the questions I get... or vent about the entire thing... I guess it really is
First comes Love,
Then Comes Marriage..

Then the entire world expects Jasmine and Amos to come with the baby carriage?

although its a New Year's Resolution for us.. when will it actually happen and what do we think about the whole thing?
In case you get curious, click the tab...

cause that's where I will be writing all about it.

...a baby?
That's what some people think.. for us it goes like this...
We have loved each other for almost 7 years. 3 years as friends who truly cared about the well-being of each other and spent 2 years courting... we have been married now 18 months..

It was 18 months ago that dialogue changed from people just asking "How's your hubby?" to "When are y'all going to have babies?"

What people fail to realize is that we are a couple who went to 13 weeks of premarital counseling BEFORE we even were engaged just to make sure that we knew what we were getting into and had a 6 month follow up right before we walked down the aisle. We put as much planning into our marriage just as we did our elaborate wedding.

So when it comes to wanting to bring children in the world, you best believe that we are planners. We can never force things to happen before its time. So, we had a plan... 18 months after we get married we will be financially stable enough to purchase a house. And 18 months exactly we did just that - we got our first home.

When 2012 hit, one of our goals that we did discuss was having children-- not late 2010, nor 2011, but 2012 we actually discussed it. Any time before then would've been okay with us. Afterall, we were married. We were adults and we could handle whatever life would throw at us in that regard. But it did not happen before today.

It's 2012.
and I guess...
I am ready to be pregnant and have a baby.

Before now, we were winging it...
I go through the ups and downs of disappointment every cycle that passes and a happy accident didn't happen..
but instead of bottling that up, I knew that would have to be at least one other person out there who feels the same way that I do..

So here it is.. my journey to becoming a mother.
I will share my hopes, dreams and wishes on becoming a mother.
My fears and hesitations on becoming a mother.
What does hubby think about all this?
And the real story about how every Trying to Conceive journey isn't the same-
its not always a "we got pregnant on our honeymoon" for every newlywed.
So here goes nothing..

When are we going to get pregnant?
Only God knows at this point.



What is the right age to have a baby?

So when is the right time to have a baby? 

As a young woman, it is natural that not only are we trying to find the right mate, but we are trying to do so within a time frame because we hear the biological clock getting louder and louder as the years go by. 

So, Parents Magazine wrote this article that highlights the benefits of having a child in your 20's, 30's or 40's..

  • "Physically, the 20s are the ideal time for pregnancy," doctors say. Because your body is primed to handle the demands of carrying a baby.
  • You're less likely to have pregnancy complications or babies with Down Syndrome.
  • You can also grow up with your child ..honestly who really wants to do that.
  • Mentally: not too many of my close friends have children. My parents don't live in the same state as we do, so who can I honestly run to in case I just need some help before I lose my mind.
  • Also, we love to go to the movies. Am I ready to give up going on opening weekends because my attention will be on the child/children. We'd have to make sure we plan more time for each other.
Carla (was 21)-The down side: Being a young mom means that it's hard not to be selfish about my time. I used to sleep in, read, or watch TV whenever I wanted and go out with friends any night I pleased. All these freedoms go away when you're a parent.
The good side: Bouncing back after pregnancies is easier when you're younger. I've gotten down to my starting weight after each one. Two weeks after I had Aliza I was in a bridesmaid dress.
I'm happy that my kids have young grandparents -- they're all in their 50s -- and seven great-grandparents. I'm always calling my mom and mother-in-law for advice

Samantha (was 25)- My career had been important to me -- I was just starting out and was very ambitious. But during my maternity leave, I realized that motherhood was what life was about for me right now.

My friends hadn't had kids yet. Some of my closest mom friends are women in their 30s and 40s whom I met in the neighborhood or at playgroups. They were eager to take me under their wing and share their wisdom.
There are times when Chris and I hear about all the wild things our single friends are doing and we're envious. But then something magical happens at home with our boys and we're reminded that we have such a full life to be thankful for.

  • At higher risk of developing certain complications. But the majority of healthy women still have uneventful pregnancies at this age. At age 35 there's 1/200 chance of having a child with Down Syndrome.
  • More likely to have a C-section
  • Mentally: I've had time for myself and my marriage, and I've accomplished some professional goals. This could give peace of mind if wanting to take a break to spend time with our children in sending them off to stay with family.
  • It'll be easier to find a support group of pregnant friends and get advice since a lot of people I do know are either pregnant or recently gave birth within the last year or so.

Carol (was 30)- Good side: Financial stability -- we own our own apartment now, and we've got some money saved for Emily's education. It also meant that Emily doesn't have to compete with my career. I put so much time and energy into my job in my 20s that I felt like I was able to step back a little once I had her. I found a new position within the company that allows me to work at home sometimes, so I can spend more time with her.
Because we waited to have kids, our parents are all retired or about to retire, which means I get a lot of help! My parents-in-law watch Emily every day while I'm at work.
(apparently she had no down sides)

Erica (was 36)- I'm glad that I had time to be spontaneous, go out with friends, and travel before having kids -- it's a lot harder to get out of the house and do things when you have a baby. And I feel like I'm a better person for having had the experiences I did before having Lena. I just hope that she'll feel the same way and that she'll keep me young.

-Having a baby in your 40s is common these days, and the majority of older mothers have totally normal pregnancies. Still, the risk of complications rises after age 40.
-This is crazy: If you're physically fit, eat well, and don't have preexisting health conditions such as diabetes or hypertension, your overall risk of other pregnancy complications isn't markedly higher than that of a woman in her 20s or 30s.
-The self-confidence and perspective you've picked up in your life may make you more patient in dealing with a demanding newborn.
Andrea (was 44)-Down sides: My friends' children are now in college, so I'm completely out of sync! They went through all the sleepless nights and playdates and pediatrician appointments years ago -- and I'm just starting. I honestly don't feel my age at all, but I realize that as I get older it's going to become more challenging.
I thought being older would mean that I'd be more prepared for motherhood. I was centered, had traveled extensively, had eaten in all the best restaurants, and had bought all the clothes I wanted. But honestly, the experience of the two of them brings me to my knees. I wouldn't have been more prepared at 144.


Honestly, for me... I am 29 years old. 30 will be the ideal age for me. I don't want to be so far apart in age from my children that they are not able to have a relationship with their grandparents. Also, I want to be a young and energetic mother... I have stability at work and at home that gives me comfort in knowing that I will be able to handle the challenge financially and physically. Also, we both know that we want more then one and I don't want children that far apart in age. So its time to get this show on the road!



I LOVE Pollen..

and Weeds, Pet Dander, Maple, Oak, Dust and especially Pine Trees which also make me break out in hives!

Clearly, I am just kidding... sorry for the delay in postings but due to the fact that the DMV has barely had a winter, everything that I am allergic to is in full bloom: I can't see, hear, breathe...

I am sure that my husband has tried to push me out the bed in my sleep ... since I can't breathe, I snore LOUDLY! :(
Can't wait to find some relief.. be back soon.



Sneak Peek: Painting went up in Smoke!

Since moving in the home, we immediately decided that we wanted to paint our Master Bedroom and our Master Bathroom. As much as persons say that you shouldn't paint within the first year, I can not live in a Builders Beige Box -- my artist senses will not allow me to do so. So I will hold on to my chips and extra paint in case any touch ups need to be done.

So here is a sneak peek at some of the products that we decided to use:

Glidden Signature Interior Paint (in Wood Smoke)
Purdy Brushes
Shure-line Roller Brushes
3M Painter's Tape

We decided to go with Glidden Brand Paint in Wood Smoke.
I wanted to make the Cabinets pop and the Granite has flecks of brown and gray.

Here it is after I got a sample up on the wall. Now if you have a steady hand you do not need to tape off the whole room... in this instance, I only taped in tight squeezes and cut the rest in by hand.

What I have learned is that, as you know the paint dries a different color then when wet... so initially once the paint dried, we were super scared because it looked so dark in there. But we let it cure over night and realized the next day, it had lightened back up to the color of the paint chip. Now we love it!
We plan to use it again some where in the house... not sure which bathroom will get hit just yet.

Also since we picked a satin finish, I do notice that despite great coverage with the color, the satin sheen is dependent upon the strokes of my brush and roller... so second coat will be going up. But so far I am very pleased!

A picture of the walls completed coming soon..


10 Lessons Learned from Buying and Building a Home

We FINALLY closed on our house on March 2, 2012...
Talk about a weight off our shoulders

There were A LOT of things that we have learned along the way of having our townhome built, so much so that once we closed on our home we had to truly celebrate and get used to the fact that there wouldn't be a phone call coming soon inquiring about something that we need to submit or someone asking us for ... MORE MONEY!

So here are the lessons that we learned:

1. First step, read the HOA rules: If you are purchasing a home in a community that has a HOA, the best thing to do is to read the HOA rules. It may not seem that important however, after moving in and realizing how much you can not do is not the time to find out what your HOA rules are. In our neighborhood, our HOA is very strict. You can't plant a flower without prior approval of your landscaping plans. You can't install any type of walkway lighting, etc. at all... We actually read the HOA and was happy with it, however, for my neighbors who moved in and immediately installed walkway lighting and is now being asked to remove them... after you pay your first mortgage payment is not the time to find out that you can't live as freely as you thought you could (even in your own home).

2. Check out your Commute: Buying a home is exciting, but a long commute to work can be very draining. After driving 1 hour every day, both ways for the last 18 months to get to work, I am VERY appreciative that my commute has been cut to half at the most! Sometimes it is worth it to investigate your commute before you purchase. Because the money you tried to save by moving out of the city is now being spent on gas that you are using to be in idle on the highway because the traffic is horrible! and gas is way too high for that.

3. You don't have to accept what is always offered to you: When we were purchasing our home, the builder had a flyer made up of our home offering A, B, C, D.. when we placed a contract on it and selected our lot, we decided we really didn't want C so we asked for A, B and D on Corner Lot 23 for the same price... its a buyers market.. you can ask for whatever you want. And of course we got it and actually ended up with a credit back for what we didn't want on the house.

4. Be involved in the building process: I laughed at the time, but my husband spent almost every free day that he had at the home - watching it being built from the ground up. Now, I am thankful because when things were not being put in correctly, it could be immediately resolved without having to go back later and tear down walls.

5. Measure Twice, Cut Once: We had requested to have a bathroom linen closet removed to provide more usable space. Well, in watching the home being built we realized that with the piping that they had not made allowances. We brought it up to the builder as we were doing our weekly walk-thru's of construction. They admitted that they were operating on auto-pilot and had to go back now and cut through the cement and move the pipe and cut out the linen closet from the framing.. it was not costly to make sure that your contractors measure twice and cut once.
6. The grass isn't always greener: Make sure that you do not sign off on your landscape if you built in the winter until the spring. How can you know if your trees or grass is even alive if they were planted in the winter months. Keep this in mind when you are signing documents. Trust me, you would rather wait to sign off on this then having to pay to replant things later.

7. Too many Chiefs and unfortunately you are the ONLY Indian in this game: We started the mortgage process with the builders preferred mortgage broker who asked us for a ton of documentation. Then our file was transferred to the actual lender who then asked for more documentation. Then we were requested of even more from the underwriter and at times were sending stuff and emails to every person involved including now a forth souce, the settlement company... it was so overwhelming at times. But at the end of the day, unfortunately there are too many chiefs and we are the only Indian. Do what they say, or no house :(

8. The Invisible Man: The Underwriter. They will make you want to seek them out and put a hit on them when they are done with you. They ask and re-ask some of the most violating questions it seems. They will also be the one you want at the settlement table but will NEVER meet.

9. Timeline? What timeline.. more importantly who's timeline?: First you are given a tentative timeline as to when the house will be finished. Then once they start building that timeline goes out the window and it ends up just being finished when its finished. Luckily we had a mild winter where we didn't face too much delay. But, then you are given a date for closing... then its going to get postponed. TRUST ME, it will get postponed at least once. Plan for that. In the mortgage lending game, a closing can get postponed just because the documents won't be processed through the various departments fast enough and printed-- not because of anything you have yet to do. It becomes a true waiting game. You become anxious because you really just want to get the keys to your new house!

10. Down to the Last Day, the Mortgage Company can and will ask you for something else: The day of the closing, they asked us to stop and get a cashiers check for even more money to bring to the table but was never given an exact number. We get to the settlement company.. and they give us a refund.

Most of the process seems like mind numbing running around... but luckily, the end result is a beautiful home. So all the gripes and frustration go out of the window when you hear "let me get your keys and cut you a check!"

We are truly blessed and thankful that God has allowed us to become first-time home owners this year.



The Debut of Google Friend Connect on this site!

Usually, I don't really push how you can connect with this blog but since I have some other options for ways that you can follow this blog.. may as well post.. especially since I just added Google Friend Connect to my sidebar.

I initially didnt put my Google Friend Connect in the sidebar for a number of reasons. But as persons have visited my blog, I was wondering if I was making it easy for my non-blogger readers to come back. Seeing how easy it was to just click, sign in and press done on other blogs,  I figured it was time to debut my Google Friend Connect as well. 

I hope for the 2000+ persons who have read this blog over the last two months that its not too late and that some of you are still with me. But, I was trying to figure out this whole blogosphere and streamline ways to bring information to you in wonderful ways ...

So, if you are out there and you are reading and want to stay connected here (TRUST ME, you Do! I have SO much more in store to post... countdown to settlement = 1 day away) then go ahead scroll down and connect!

I would truly appreciate the love!

Thanks again,


Went to Join a Gym and Ran in the Opposite Direction

So, we are in the process of purchasing a new home. I swear there have been so many lessons from buying a newly constructed home, but more on that later... but, with new homes in new locations come trying to visit the neighborhood as much as possible to learn where all of your "new" favorite amenities will be..
One of our New Year's resolutions were to lose weight. Here is where we started back in January:

We have each picked realistic Weight Loss goals (at least we think they are).. and its always easier to have someone else to look at and say.. hmm, I would be happy if I were their size.

To remind you of my goal, I want to look like Serena Williams.
Here is another visual of what I am going for: afterall she to me isn't stick figure and still thick in the right places.. works for me!

My husband decided that his goal would be more along the lines of Tyler Perry in the Movie Good Deeds.

Heck! I will even take a little bit of Gabrielle Union's size, like I used to be when hubby and I met about seven years ago..

But for now.. that's where we are...

So we went looking for Gyms that would be closer to our new home and decided we would go check out some of the bigger gyms that are in the area because we were so spoiled by our last gym, despite me not going for a while. But our old gym was what I liked to call the WalMart of Gyms! It had everything!: multiple basketball courts, rock climbing wall, racquetball courts, loads of free weight equipment, cardio equipment, two group excercise rooms and a spinning room, two indoor pools, an outdoor pool, hot tubs, saunas, steam rooms AND even offered hot pilates and massages, towel service, kids play areas, a beauty salon, juice bar and MORE!

I mean REALLY?! Where could we find something like THAT anywhere else.

So we attempted to at least find something close.
We pulled up at one place, very optimistic. I won't name the gym because it goes downhill from here. We walk in and escorted to a sales person who wanted to give us a tour. Half way through the tour I was unimpressed. Not to mention before we began the tour, he tried to sell us on how much he knew about fitness because he had been in the fitness industry for over 10 years.. followed by him saying "Yeah, I used to work at GNC before here." Sir, you have experience in retail, not fitness.. but I digress..

After sitting back down at his desk after going through the gym in about 10 mins... he didn't get the hint that we were "just looking" and proceeded to try to sell us from all kinds of angles.

Him: "So I hear you say its the fee that is the reason why you are not joining?!"
Us:" No, sir, we do not live on this side of town and we still belong to our previous gym."
Him: "So, let me give you some free passes for around the time you want to join!"
Us: "we haven't told you that we want to join."

After a good ten minutes, the fake smiles were out the window.. it kinda got pointless, we had no free passes to try out the gym... at least last time we looked at a gym they gave us free passes and 2 free sessions with a personal trainer!

Lets just say that we won't be joining there.. PUSHY GYM SALES FOLK!

But what do we hate more then PUSHY GYM SALES FOLK??


So first, I must spread some Sunshine to Marilyn at The Artsy Girl for posting this one! I thought it was so funny that I had to share...
Trust, we get plenty of offers to have personal trainers, but after my first stint with the freebie guy.. and watching (yes, you read that right) my husband work out with one at the dream gym.. this is exactly how he felt, so yeah, I pass .. for now.. running in the opposite direction because this would be my exact sentiments!
Dear Diary.....A Woman's Week At The Gym!
This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

 Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. 
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years
ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.  I called the club and
made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a
26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! 
The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 a.m.  Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it
when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me.  He is something of a
Greek god -- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile.  Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines...  I enjoyed watching the
skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class
after my workout today.  Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already
aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. 
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.  Christo made me lie
on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it!  My
legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile.  His rewarding
smile made it all worthwhile.  I feel GREAT!  It's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving
my mouth back and forth over it.  I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals.  Driving was
OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club
members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when
he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. 
Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete
by elevators?  Christo told me it would help me get in shape
and enjoy life.  He said some other crap too.
Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin,
cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.  I couldn't help being a half an hour
late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells.  When he was not looking,
I ran and hid in the restroom.  He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
I hate that jackass Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other
human being in the history of the world.  Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic,
little aerobic instructor.  If there was a part of my body I could move
without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps.  I don't have any triceps! 
And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn
barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
teacher.  Why couldn't it have been someone softer,
like the drama coach or the choir director?
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering
why I did not show up today.  Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the
machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV
remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD
that this week is over.  I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift
for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.  I still say if God had
wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

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