From the Archives: Additive? I think not!

Back when Notes was popular on Facebook, I was known to jot a few down here and there. I want to share a few with you here for your reflection and feedback on the topics. 
I bring you the first one that speaks about love, relationships and marriage.  I originally wrote this on August 25, 2006. At the time I was living in Chicago, having just moved there in December 2005 in order to complete my Masters at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois. I had ended a 4 and 1/2 year relationship at the top of 2005 and was really praying in that season for someone who was right for me, which meant that I was super sensitive about anything relationship related. 
This is a picture of me from 2006 - age 24 and probably at the weight I wish I was at this age... but thats a completely different post. 

So I bring you "Additive? I think Not!"
Every morning I am awakened by my radio alarm that is preset to Chicago's own 107.5 WGCI. Every morning it wakes me just as the relationship hour is on and I hear the craziest relationship questions...
Well for the last week the conversation has been quite disturbing because there is this guy that is on there every morning. He is 24 years old and thinks that he is an expert in relationships and yet is not in one himself. 

The original question that was asked, which is one that I have heard many times was " I am an educated, african-american female that has her own place, no children, a car, and a very good paying job but can't seem to find a decent man. What is it that men want, because I feel as though I am something that they would want, and yet I am still single?" 

This sent the conversation into a number of comments from "women shouldn't be looking for men... to you must have something wrong with you that you just can't see. If you are attract what you are and you are attracting trifling men, then you must be trifling."

The comment that he continues to drive home on a daily basis is that "Women are an additive to Men." His reasoning is because Women take the last name of a man, and because he feels as though no matter what role we have in the workplace, we must leave it at the door and become whatever it is that he wants us to be in the home (whether it be a cook, maid, or lover) because we are submissive, we must be the additive.

I BEG TO DIFFER!!!! And anyone who agrees with this line of thinking. Women were never created to be an additive. People do not complete people in relationships. People COMPLIMENT people in relationships. When God made Adam, he already had Eve in mind. He has made us to seamlessly compliment our soulmates or helpmates as some would put it. Its like a puzzle. Each piece has a unique shape. But when you put one end to the other, it completes the puzzle. Each connection is complimentary and neither piece is an additive to the other.

So many people misquote the Bible when they only quote the verse that says "Wives submit to their husbands...' and forget the rest that says "as he submits to the church." If you are dating someone who doesn't even go to Church, how dare they expect you to submit. And if they were walking in the will of God, they would know in order to be treated like a King, which women have no problem doing, you must treat your woman as a Queen. She is not subordinate to you. Thats why God gave Adam the animals first. Those are the things in which man was supposed to have dominion over. God never created Eve to be a creature for Adam to have dominion over. Thats the purpose of the animals. We all have a place and a purpose. Being an Additive is not a woman's purpose in life. We were created for more than that!

The quality of relationship that you have with the creator will shape the quality of the relationship with your mate. If you haven't found each other yet, its because there are still some things that need to be worked out individually before you can contribute to each other without having to compromise your integrity and your true self away. He or She is on the way.

It's Our Anniversary! and Bump Update

Today is our 3rd Year Wedding Anniversary!

Three Years does not seem like a long time, but time does indeed fly when you are always having fun!

I can honestly say, Three Years later we still love each other if not even more!

We have learned how to fight fair which means, we may argue from time to time but the "being mad at each other" part doesn't last as long... because as much as we know how to push each others buttons, we also know how to diffuse each other as well.

We have learned to recognize when we have an argument how to recognize when it may be outside issues provoking whatever it is that we may be arguing about.

Also, we have learned to keep the fire going - we still date as if we aren't married.

We go on weekly date nights and find it most important to carve out some time to just be with each other.

We have literally learned to be better friends to each other.

God has truly blessed us and we are both thankful for the growth we have experienced as a couple in the last three years.

I am looking forward to the future and so grateful of the many blessings that come with the promises of God for married couples.

Also, as you know we are expecting our first child - a Baby Girl.

I haven't been able to keep up with the cute updates past the first trimester, but its definitely time for a Bump Update.

This week: 22 weeks Pregnant

Weight Gain: +4lbs.

Doctor's Updates: Baby passed Quad bloodtest = no downs or other fatal syndromes present.

Mom Updates: Blood Pressure normal, still no major cravings although I may mix the oddest combinations of foods, still wearing flat shoes because my sciatica acts up from time to time, definitely using my pregnancy pillow and at times have to steal it back from hubby, rings still on, lost weight in some places and gained it all in belly. Sadly I have pregnant face but thats ok, have linea nigra as well but no stretch marks.

Gender: Girl

Name: To Be Revealed at Baby Shower

Nursery Theme: Vintage Owls

Dad's Update: His face in this picture says it all.

Until next time.

   

Snowquesterin' & Our First Look

This is our present situation in the DMV: Yet another excuse for Congress to not be working on this budget as the Snowquester moves into the area. Presently the snow is falling at a rate of 1-2" per hour so nothing too major just yet. But where I live we are still "in waiting" of this snow storm.

Can't complain though because I got that coveted email that every one in my Agency was waiting for: "Federal Government Offices are Closed". 

Unfortunately, I popped right up at 4am to make sure that we were closed. 

Never again -- it made me completely exhausted. 

Hubby is quite jealous sad because he has to report to work - it doesn't help his cause that we lives like less then 10 mins away from his job. 

So what do you do when you have days like this?

You write about things that you haven't shared before!

Our First Look on Wedding Day!

A first look is a moment captured on film where the bride and groom see each other for the first time that day. 

Sometimes its really hard to capture the moment of the Groom and Bride seeing each other for the first time when they walk down the aisle. 

A first look is another way to do that. 

We chose to forego tradition and do a first look because: 

1. We don't really believe in luck when it comes to marriage. Its work. And we were in it for the long haul - whether we see each other now or at the church. 

We planned for our marriage just as extensively as we did our wedding. 

We even went to pre-marital counseling for about 3 months even before we got engaged to get prepared for "married life" and have had refreshers since. 

2. We paid to have great photographers and also had a late afternoon wedding - 

Something about the sunset intrigued me greatly. 

However, who wants to go into the church to come out and have to rush to take pictures because we were losing natural light. 

We wanted to make sure that after the wedding we would have family time more then taking pictures for hours. 

So here is how our afternoon went: 

All photos provided by JPIX Photography 

(some are from the raw proofs)

I had my Bridal Shoot earlier that afternoon and then hid up in my Suite until they said it was "safe" to come downstairs. 

Hubby was having his Groom shoot as I was getting off the elevator - and was told to wait until he made his way down the stairs. 

My Matron and Maids of Honor waited in the Lobby while the Grooms Men were standing by the Photog at the foot of the stairs trying to keep Hubby talking so that he would not turn around as he could hear my heels coming slowly down the stairs. 

I was focusing on not tripping on my train as my legs were kinda bound and I couldn't really hold on to the hand rail.

Here I come!

He thought he was so cool - if he only knew what was about to happen.. 

I reached out and tapped him on his shoulder - 

He said "What are you doing here?!"

See. Clueless.

He is still asking - "Why didn't you tell me?" 

I was cracking up probably because I was nervous but also because I pulled off a great surprise. 

I looked at him and he was shaking and looked like he was about to cry. 

He definitely was taken away- 

Something I would've never seen as I walked down the aisle. 

We got to have our own private moments and get all the nervous laughter out before our ceremony and I was so glad that they caught it all. 

We took a few posed pictures before heading to the church but definitely spent the morning while doing so telling each other how excited we were for the day. 

Honestly we made a bet as to who would cry at the ceremony, I said he would, but I lost... because little did I know he had a surprise of his own - 

He wrote a song for me and sang me down the aisle. 

He sang his heart out and I  cried. 

I just wanted to share just one more pic that we took that I just loved !

This one we took at our Reception Venue

This was when I took off my ceremony gown and

 put back on my reception dress just before the garter toss. 

If I could do all again - 

I would not change my mind about doing a First Look. 

It was so worth those moments. 

Roses are Red and Pink: Friday's Letters

So, as you know by this post, I didn't know what to expect for Valentine's Day or if I should even expect to celebrate Valentine's Day at all.

Later, hubby revealed to me was that his rationale for thinking it was ok not to celebrate was because Valentine's Day fell on a Thursday.

From the book of wife life, "who cares what day it falls on. You can't pretend it doesn't exist".

Yes, I partly care less about Valentine's Day because its not a real holiday but I am far from a debbie downer saying that the day is stupid and should be ignored.

It really just means that we can move our date night up a day and go date with the rest of the country.

You truly don't have to go overboard. I definitely don't see it as Christmas for lovers.

Either who, I guess hubby said "if you want Valentine's Day, then I will give you Valentine's Day!"

Yesterday morning hubby wanted to take me to work and pick me up and from there I knew he would take me to dinner - because going to eat Sushi is all I asked for.

Well, Thursdays is a day that I spend mostly in the field doing home visits. So I told him I would go to work and be home probably sooner then expected.

I noticed he was irritated but he wouldn't say why.

Well, I took myself to work and was in the field. At the last minute I decided to stop by my office to use the bathroom and then be gone for the day on a Walk/Run for my agency.

Well, luckily I did stop by the office because these flowers were delivered to my office by hubby as a surprise. And boy did he get me! because I kid you not, I thought he didn't even know the address to my office.

Sneaky Sneaky Mr. Hubster!

They were so beautiful. They have a special place on my desk for the next few days - sadly I won't be back in the office until Wednesday so hopefully they are still holding on when I return.

So when I got home it was time for his surprise.

He was in the kitchen warming up his food and washing dishes.

I knew he would have to come back to the microwave so I just stood there in silence ready to surprise him.

And surprise him I did! HA! See that look on his face!

He checked out  skimmed the card and then the goods...

I got him Ted on Blu Ray - He was definitely pleased with that. And I owe him a Ravens edition Sports Illustrated!

So then he took me out to eat Sushi! To make it special, instead of going to the regular places we go - he researched a spot we had never been to so that we could try it together. It was an hour away in Dulles, Virginia. And that was fine by me because I hadn't been out that way in a long time.

Here's my V-day outfit of the day.

Sweater: NY&Co. Shirt: NY&Co. Pants: Forever21+ Shoes: Bakers Jewelry: Forever21

My shoes are black with metallic specks so I figured why not do the same in the tights under my ripped jeans. Peak-a-Boo!

Food was great! Sushi was amazing! YAY!

Then we went to go see Safe Haven -

I didn't know what to expect because The Notebook set the standard for emotional romantic stories but this one was far from it. It was definitely more of a mystery, thriller, romantic love story with a twist at the end that made me love it more. In a romantic mood? Go see this.

Hope you had a wonderful Valentine's Day

and now some brief letters...

Dear Sorors, Brown Bag Lunch today. I'm there.

Dear Hubby, Thanks for everything yesterday and we have a long weekend to hang out so can't wait!

Dear NBA All-Star Game, I was there last year but this year it was just off my radar.. maybe next year.

Dear New Readers, Thanks for hanging with me.

Dear Ashley, Congrats on your pregnancy!

Dear Crystal and Marquis, So happy that the twins are finally here!

Dear Job, Thanks for the Special Achievement Award - much appreciated!

Dear Parents, miss you much!

Valentine's Day after Marriage

Oh Valentine's Day -

I can remember when Valentine's Day started to matter to me.

I guess it was around 16 or 17 years old.

It was the age I gave myself that I felt like it was finally appropriate to date. I grew up on The Cosby Show and had a real fear of embarassment if I were to ever bring a boy home.

Problem is, by the time I started to care, I was already in college - and at Howard University no less. Which I swear is the the picture perfect classic case of HBCU you can find.

I mean, the things I saw happening on A Different World - happened at Howard, and then some.

Either who, it was at the point that I cared that I wish I didn't because I was "young" compared to my classmates. I was scared to talk to boys. Basically I had no boyfriend.

I didn't care though... until...

Every Valentine's Day some sap of a freshman or sophmore male would be waiting in the lobby for some chick to come and sign them in.

He would be carrying the most obnoxious expressions of Valentine's Day: horrid white teddy bears and large roses and balloons. Basically whatever they could find. (no offense to anyone who loves this stuff, but its just not for me).

And if you sat in the lobby long enough, the same chick would be there to get stuff from the next dude that came about three hours later.

Either who, it was the days I decided that I would not care - and yet was bitter, because I cared.

When I finally had a boyfriend I would be sent stuff and realized, I really just didn't like all of that. I felt like it wasn't for me.

When my husband and I dated, we put such little emphasis on things and made it about just spending quality time together. So much so, I can't honestly remember what he did on Valentine's Day last year. And its not because it wasn't wonderful, but its because he does wonderfully awesome things all year long that I don't remember what day it falls on.

This year however, I came home after the husbands at my job were asking my opinion as to what they should do for Valentine's Day - one seriously suggested he get his wife a $25.00 giftcard for McDonald's. I am praying for him even now, but I told my husband all I wanted to do was to go out to eat sushi and I would be a happy camper.

You see, I LOVE Sushi. I don't know why but I seriously do.

We eat it pretty regularly but I didn't want the whole fancy steakhouses that we do for anniversary because in all honesty, who needs Valentine's day when you do something special any day of the week?

What I was not expecting was my husband to say "Valentine's Day?! - oh I have rehearsal that day so we won't be doing anything."

Umm excuse me?!

and just like that - without realizing it... I felt like I was going to be just like that girl again at Howard, watching and reading on Facebook, Instagram and the Blogs (basically my online campus) of how wonderful Valentine's Day was and realize I am at home doing NOTHING and was going to be by myself.

I think when he said it I was so taken back that I just stopped speaking. I went into my own little world.

Luckily, my husband knows me well... and yes I acted out. When our friends asked at the Grammy party what we were doing for Valentine's Day, I yelled back "NOTHING" and stormed out the room. LOL.

But of course, he got the message in my silent protest.

So this week, probably Tuesday, he says "So on Valentine's Day..."

I said, "Oh What? You want to talk about it now?!" (attitude central)

He says, "Will you hush, I cancelled rehearsal and we have reservations."

You would think I said Thank You... but nope, hiding my blushing I say "So what?! You blamed it on me?! Gosh, they must think I am demanding!"

He said "nope, I told them, there will be peace in my house so no rehearsal on thursday."

Instead they are rehearsing tonight and thats fine.

Valentine's Day after marriage isn't so much about the things.

Nor is it about spending hard earned money for a holiday that was created to help retail with post holiday sales..

It's simply about the thought..

I love my hubby for all his randomness and how thoughtful he is.

I would not trade him for the world! because he is simply the most considerate husband I know.

And he works so hard too!

So tommorrow -- its really just allowing us another day, outside of regular date night and scheduled work nights to just pause to spend time together.

So hubby this is for you..

And whats an awesome way to kick off the randomness of Valentine's Day?!

Tickets to Beyonce's Mrs. Carter Tour!

Yup! We are in there!

Best HUBBY EVER!!!!!!

Wife Guilt

I have Wife Guilt -

There are times where I really feel guilty about some opportunities that come my way and I feel terribly guilty that I can't share them with my husband. Afterall, we are supposed to share the rest of our lives together. I can't stand to see disappointment on his face and of course, I am hard on myself and feel like I am the cause of some major disappoints.

I really don't even know if its a newlywed thing- this wanting my husband to be a part of everything, or the feeling guilty because he can't come or that I leave him at home to go have fun with the girls. Is it just me? will I ever get over this horribly guilty feeling...

For example, I left hubby at home all weekend to go to Sorority weekend. Something that clearly there was no need for him to be at. But being at a conference always throws my schedule off and I feel bad because it seems like for that one weekend I am away that we are in a long distance relationship and I am not doing my part in keeping in touch.

I also feel guilty when I get tickets to something and I don't get a plus one. As my sister would call it "The Married Struggle" - it's like do you not go because your husband can't go or do you just go and pray he isn't too disappointed that you won't be able to tell him how awesome-sauce it was.

I remember once where I took my husband then boyfriend to the Stellar Awards- a gospel awards show. It had been my second time going and it was his first time being there. What made it extra special was that two artists whom he produced were up for Best New Artist. On the show that year, the Best New Artists were able to perform a snippet of their single - the two artists happen to perform songs that he produced. Well, show was over so to beat the crowd- boyfriend goes to get the car while I go with the artist to help him pack his things that he brought over to perform in the show. Well, once backstage I met everyone... literally took pictures, made jokes, had random video moments of everyone in Gospel I had ever want to meet... and where was producer boyfriend- waiting out front with the car. I felt so guilty.

Now, I have offers to multiple Balls in Washington, D.C. for Inauguration, but of course I get no plus one. I turned down two because I just knew it would not be fair nor would it be enjoyable. One I could attend because more then likely it will be a mostly female crowd. But then... I got a call that perhaps I was not going to get a plus one to the swearing in like we did last time. In 2008, not only did my boyfriend get to go with me but so did my sisters then NEW boyfriend and my parents. Well, rules changed and now we are sitting waiting for confirmation of tickets. My sister and I are guarenteed along with my parents. But God knows I am going to feel SUPER GUILTY telling hubby, he can come to the hotel, but I am not sure if I can take you to any balls or the swearing in this time.

Does anyone else feel guilty when they get to do something amazing and can't share it with their husband? what do you do? do you go? or do you opt out?

Wife Guilt.

and it sucks.

Praying that something comes through because God knows I don't want to have to tell him any news like that.

It's FRIDAY!!!.. and I got nothing

Its a new year, so new twist on my Friday's Letters:

A few days now - I think its been all week, I have been staying up way past my bed time.

Hello, Insomnia nice to meet you - can you leave now?

In a way, its a drag because in the morning, although I still get up at the same time I normally do, it causes me to go in super slow motion speed.

Dear Insomnia, I would like my restful slumber back.

So of course lack of sleep leads to a very grouchy Jasmine.

Yesterday, in all cluelessness, I managed to argue with my husband over the most trivial thing, all without realizing that he should get a pass. Last year on yesterdays date, my father in law passed away. By the time I realized it --the hole was dug so deep, he might as well just leave me in that pit until I learned a thing or two.

And although we have unresolved issues, its growing pains of marriage- it literally comes with the territory. Its our lives that we have lived individually for about 30 years being smashed together. (ok, I was 28 and he was 30) One thing we know for sure is that Marriage is work - takes work- and will always be worth it if you agree to work at it. Its not something that you can do with someone that you lukewarm like or think you love - because half the time you are working through your marriage when you darn near hate the person.

One thing is for sure, I could not have picked a better sparring partner.

Dear Hubby, I will ride this life out with you until the end. Because without you (and Jesus, and my family), I got nothing! For every movie you agree to see that I know you have absolutely no interest in (Les Miserables) or every movie you let me watch every single time it comes on just because you know I love it (Something Borrowed), for every meal you ate before I figured out that if I am going to experiment with cooking something new, it should be from a recipe; for every laugh and then some...most importantly for letting me blog about it... thank you.

Dear 2013, I have high expectations from you. I want EVERYTHING that you held back on in 2012. I mean EVERYTHING.

Dear Sorors, 9 days away!!! Our family Legacy event is going to be amazing!

A Christmas Story 2012

T'was the Day before Christmas Eve and all at my job...

not a creature was stirring, not even the boss..

we were buzzing at our desks , those that were there..

with hopes that relief soon would spread here.

...

then out from my outlook, i heard a ding and such a chatter

I rose from my seat to see what was the matter

Away to my monitor, I flew like a flash

popped open an email from President Obama..

Off Federal Gov't Agencies, was all I needed to hear

Per Executive Order we were in the clear.

Off for Christmas Eve I couldnt be more merry

A great way to start my Christmas, home with my family..

(sorry I felt like being a little poetic, please ignore all corniness-lol)

So we were off for Christmas Eve... and so my husband decided he would like to drive up to Philly for a friend of ours who was hosting his company's Christmas Party.

And so I bring to you one of my first OOTD (outfit of the day) posts:

This is what I wore to the holiday party in Philadelphia.. 

 

Red Sweater (Target), Top (unknown), Sequin Leggings (H&M), Knee Leather Boots (UGGS)

Our friends The Blackstones are also musicians. Our friend Adam is Music Director for almost everyone in the business, most recently Rihanna and Dr. Dre, Jay-Z and has a company where he puts together bands for other artists as well. He and his wife started a company named, Bassic Black Entertainment and had a great holiday party sponsored by Beats by Dre, Korg, Rihanna's perfume company, Roc Nation, Korg Keyboards and Jay-Z sponsored the drinks with his latest drink venture D'usse Cognac.

  

Here are a few photos from the event - on the right is my fellow musician's wife, Kai.

Me, Trish and Kai



me and hubby - notice he is rockin Ravens gear. We are a Ravens Nation household!

The next day I spent wrapping presents for the family

and for some of the little girls that go to my church.

Time to go to church - Therefore another OOTD:

Red on Red on Red... I am all about layering jewelry and layers.

I fashioned this with a Black Pencil Skirt and Black and Gold Dotted Opaque Tights.



Me and our Drummer, D. Web at Sunday Service

Later on that evening, it was time to have dinner with our closest friends. This is our crew that was in our wedding..  the ones where we can just act ourselves with. This year we decided to do a Secret Santa gift exchange and it was so much fun.

We did dinner at The Chart House right on the waterfront of Downtown Annapolis - those who were married ended up sitting across from each other so that the women could chat up a storm and the men could have their fun too.

We headed to my parents on Christmas morning , just to be greeted with this surprise!

It went from warm weather all week to about 24 hours of snow..

When it was all said and done it looked like this :

Then it warmed up later that evening and snow turned to rain and it was like nothing ever happened. Strange weather of 2012.

I kid you not.. this is my parents Christmas Tree... or should I say Christmas Bush!

We teased mom but at the same time - I am allergic to pine and in a household full of adults there is no need to go above and beyond on the tree. It was festive enough with the balls and lights on it. LOL

How did hubby do? after he made me give him a last minute Christmas list?

Well, he stuck to the list and got me things that were on it... now I know next year just make him a list even if he doesn't ask. My husband shopped on Christmas Eve for my gifts and seriously did not fail... he said the pictures I gave him helped and he had a feeling that no other wife could've possibly wanted the random things that I asked for.

My parents gift giving is amazing also.... they really only get to spend the holidays with us so their gifts usually receive some type of crazy response due to my moms ability to surprise us every time..

This was my sisters reaction when my mother announced that they would be funding her airfare for her to take the trip of her dreams : China!

Even Part-Time Pet knew what time it is... she saw those stockings hung on the chimney and knew that one HAD to be for her. She is always right in guessing which.. She tried on her new coat and gave us a little pose.. way too cute!

Hubby picked up the surprise gene from my mom as he reached under her couch and pulls this lovely gift out for me! It was a new laptop! a bloggers dream! THE BESTEST HUBBY EVER! Clearly I was VERY happy on Christmas.

Well after all of that excitement... Santa Hubby passed out in front of the TV. He just couldn't hang. LOL

As we march closer to the New Year..

Tomorrow is my Blog-Anniversary. One WHOLE year of getting out thoughts and capturing moments that I did not want to forget.. so come back for the best of 2012 tomm.

AND for those on vacation right about now,

Have a wonderful Holiday!