Confessions: My New Norm

My post baby weight in May - My post baby weight last month.

Well.. Hello there. 

I took some kind of impromptu "Summer Break". It wasn't intentional, but life literally got away from me - to the point where I just did not have the focus or the time to sit and get a blog post done. So much has happened within the last four months, specifically with Gracia that I will have to do a separate catch up post.

In short -

within the last four months I have:

1. Been raising a now 9 month old

2. Started a Business

3. Travelled 4 times 

4. Gone to Concerts

5. Lost weight - down 2 sizes since I started my new regimen

6. Had a Birthday

...and so much more

 But what inspired me to write this post today was the fact that I am working from home and got motivated to tear my house apart and rearrange some things. The question I asked myself was what took me so long to do it in the first place? I realized, the reason why I hadn't done it was because it was against "the norm". I also realized - I was never normal and have been doing things my own way for quite some time so time to get to it. 

It started when THIS has become my recent reality. 

I guess its something that we never talked about when we were trying to have a baby. I guess we both just assumed that we would ask our friends and then do what felt comfortable for us.

I was so afraid of talking about co-sleeping when she was a baby just because of how many people are so opinionated about it that I literally avoided talking about it on my personal blog. But, now - truth is... I have been in this mommy swing for enough months now that I realize now that we are ALL different and have dealt with mommy shame now that I realize that those moms that shame and offer unsolicited advice to other moms deserve every bit of attitude that comes there way. We can all do different things "in theory". But in the end, there is no wrong way. Each child is different. Each parent is different and you do the best you can doing what is best for you.

So either who, Gracia has been in our bed for the most part since she was born. Not because she is a clingy baby and we can't "break" her from wanting to be with us. But moreso because we are the clingy parents. She is our first and we really miss her if she is not next to her. We broke all rules and let her sleep in her Boppy lounger in our bed above our heads. So that we would not roll onto her. Then when she got too long for the Boppy lounger. She slept and still sleeps within my pregnancy pillow. We kind of use it as bumpers like bowling alley bumpers. Now we only did this because she could lift her head up and roll over fairly early and now this little girl is so on the go that she pretty much runs our bed!

Since she was 6 months we have been saying "she is going to have to go to her own bed soon". So the compromise was to bring a pack and play in our room. This month for the first time she slept in her own bed, in her own room - BUT for only one night. I couldn't sleep - even though she always gets great sleep no matter where she sleeps. 

It wasn't until this week that I my husband admitted to me why he too is having such a hard time letting her go to her own room. That is when I realized we had never really talked about it. For him, he grew up in a close family and a family that were immigrants who moved to New York into what they can afford. He was always in his parents room. I remember seeing pictures of his crib right next to his parents bed. Then he and his older sister always shared a bed until he was 13 years old. When they moved to Florida thats when he was able to have his own room. Which then means, his norm is having baby in our room. My norm is wanting her close but wanting her in her own space. 

I was torn because we decorated this awesome nursery that she was not using and there was nothing in either of us that felt comfortable letting her be on the opposite side of the house. 

Today I got over it!

Time to find a balance and create our new Norm. 

I disassembled her crib and dragged it into our room. I also dragged her changing table in there. Her closet is so well organized as well as her dresser, so that stayed as is. Basically, I created a semi-permanent space for my daughter in the sitting room area of our Master bedroom. It works for the both of us. We will worry about her going to her own room when WE feel comfortable. So for now her room is an upstairs play room and dressing room. 

Some people feel comfortable letting their newborns be in their own room from the day they bring them home from the hospital. We just aren't those people... forcing ourselves to be those people was just not working for either of us. I have to have her set, in a routine, settled in a place so that I can feel ready for the next one... 

(oops did I say that?) 

The funny thing is- when I finally admitted to my friend that I did that - she finally said to me "well thats how it is our house." I for once didn't feel alone. Her son has a place in her room with decorations and all. My neighbor - the same way - daughter is in their room with a nursery set up and all. I'm like yay! my people! I get shamed at work for being that mom that lets her daughter sleep in her bed. I get shamed for basically changing my whole work schedule so I could have valuable mommy and me time. I literally get the speeches and the "she's STILL with you guys?" I felt rushed to let her grow up but she is only 9 months. It's bad enough that she is so independent as it is. We want to savor the baby side of her. She is acting like a toddler already. It's what is important to me... to us. Its my normal. My daughter gets sick every time she is in her own bed. Not to mention she has had more sickness than my little heart could handle - it could be worse - thank the Lord its just some congestion, colds, pink eye and two double ear infections. But it still makes for some very interesting moods from a baby.  I think with this new arrangement, we all will be happier.

Well have an awesome day! I will be typing to catch you up from when I last left you. 

What's your "new norm" in your house when it comes to your kids?